my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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