garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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