why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
