Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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