i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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