just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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