I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
