I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
