i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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