So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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