who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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