So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
