The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize