i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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