I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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