I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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