What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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