you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
