They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
