i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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