Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
