thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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