Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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