There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize