Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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