It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wear drunk well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
