After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
