There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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