TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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