I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
