I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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