My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
