Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
