i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
