$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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