His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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