weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize