girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
