I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
