do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
