I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
