1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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