why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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