We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize