sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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