Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
