he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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