Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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