I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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