I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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