And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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