Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
