On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
