Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this is an emotional support booty call
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
