ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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