her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
