Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
