I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
