yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
