You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
