i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
