He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
