What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
