since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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