put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
