My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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