Your mouth is God's brothel.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
