I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
