Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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