He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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