just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
3 2 1 whiskey
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
