i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
