He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
