They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
