Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
