I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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