never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
