Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
