the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
