On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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