You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
