Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
