We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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