I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
