Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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