can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
