I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
