I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
